Family, Caregiving, and Compass: Charting a Path Through Troubled Waters
In our adult life, my brother and I would exchange texts about the Boston Celtics and random movie and video game trivia that we grew up on. It was an exercise in nostalgia. An attempt to create brief sentimental exchanges that might somehow bring us back to our childhood. To bring us back to a time when life was simple… a time when mom and dad were invincible.
Before the Stars Could Guide Us, There was a Spreadsheet
For our entire lives, our parents have been sailors. When they set sail from Gloucester Massachusetts to Cape Cod, Maine, or even down the entire eastern coast to the Virgin Islands, my dad had a spreadsheet that outlined every day’s destination, departure and arrival times, and every meal planned. By having the plan laid out, even if they came across an engine issue or an unexpected storm, the plan was their guide, which could be modified as they faced any hurdles.
These days, I receive texts from my brother like, “mom locked herself in the bathroom again. She had an ‘accident’ and is embarrassed”, or “dad just collapsed in the grocery store again”. You see, while my wife and I are busy raising our teenage boys 80 miles away from my childhood home, my brother has moved back home to be the care provider, docking his own boat, and postponing his own journey. A sacrifice most don’t see looking in from the outside.
78% of Americans Who Need Long Term Care Rely on Family
Fast forward to today. I’ve been working in the long-term care insurance space for over 20 years. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t have any long-term care insurance. That was their choice. Without insurance, you’re choosing to self-fund and/or rely on each other or a family member…and here we are in the absence of any real mapped out plan. They’re sailing without navigation.
A Care Plan Saves Time While Preserving Dignity
By having a well-documented and communicated plan, your family can navigate rough seas more effectively and provide the best care possible for your parents. It’s a difficult journey, but with a clear roadmap, you can help ensure that everyone involved feels supported and informed.
Here are some steps you might consider in creating and sharing a caregiving plan:
Family Meeting: Initiate a family meeting where all members can participate. Discuss the current situation, the challenges faced, and the need for a comprehensive plan to provide the necessary care for your parents.
Identify Roles and Responsibilities: Clearly define each family member’s role and responsibilities in the caregiving process. This includes the potential primary caregiver, but it’s important that other family members contribute in whatever ways they can.
Assess Resources: Take stock of the resources available, both financial and non-financial. This includes understanding the support systems in your local community, any available government assistance programs, and financial resources for healthcare.
Healthcare Proxy and Legal Documents: Ensure that your parents have healthcare proxies, living wills, and power of attorney documents in place. These legal documents can guide decision-making in case your parents are unable to communicate their wishes.
Discuss Long-Term Care Insurance: Share your knowledge about long-term care insurance and discuss the potential benefits it could provide. Even if your parents didn’t choose this option, it’s still valuable to explore alternatives and understand the financial implications of caregiving.
Financial Planning: Work with your parents to assess their financial situation and plan for the costs associated with caregiving. This includes understanding their income, savings, and potential expenses for medical care and assistance.
Emergency Plan: Develop an emergency plan that outlines what steps should be taken in case of unexpected events. This includes having contact information for healthcare professionals, neighbors, and other relevant individuals.
Regular Check-Ins: Schedule regular family check-ins to discuss the ongoing caregiving situation, address any emerging issues, and make adjustments to the plan as needed.
Self-Care for Caregivers: Acknowledge the emotional toll caregiving can take on family members. Encourage self-care practices and consider seeking external support, such as counseling or caregiver support groups.
Documentation: Keep a written record of the caregiving plan, including important contact numbers, medical information, and any changes to the plan. This documentation can serve as a reference point for everyone involved.
Your Plan is Your Blue Sky
Take the time to prepare yourself and your family for the needs of your aging loved ones. They gave us everything and when it is our turn to give back, having the processes in place to do so will be the difference between hope and heartache.
